Trampoline Bouncing With Uncle Bertie

Post edited 11:45 am – July 15, 2010 by "Marcus"

Because I know how much Lee adores toilet humour, I thought it would be good to post a link to a random message board I came across where they were talking about embarrassing farting situations.

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/farting/

Some of the stories on it are absolutely hilarious. I was laughing to hard yesterday while reading them…

When I first met my girlfriend, I was particularly shy about farting in her presence. I was keen to impress, and I didn't think that letting rip would be the key to her heart. Two and a half years on, I'm more than making up for lost farts, and I now go out of my way to make sure she takes the full force of my offers.

For example, I called round her parent's house, only to see her in the garden crouched in front of one of the dogs. Her back was facing me so I thought this would be an excellent opportuniy to release a fart I'd been saving for her all day. So with all my stealth, I crept up, turned around and sat on her shoulders, pinning her to her knees. I flatuated with such force there were tremours in my legs, and the volume was enough to drown out the screams of anguish. I then brought my legs in front of her, locking her head in my thighs, and produced another stormer.

No sooner had I finished, my girlfriend calmly asked, "What on earth are you doing?" Imagine my surprise to find my her standing in front of me, and her mother's head between my legs.

This was two months ago, and I've been too scared to visit her parents since.

… to let one go is normally, well, a public convenience.

Not very long ago, I had a late night stop at a motorway services. First port of call was the cludge, and as I entered so did another chap. I entered one cubicle, he entered another. But horror of horrors, I realised that before the stool, there was an immense gas build up, and my gut feeling was that it was going to come out loud. I didn't want to embarrass myself by farting so loudly when it's so obviously me. No matter, thinks I, I'll hold it until he drops his load.

But no sound came from his stall. I desperation, I try to let some out quietly. But that just wasn't going to happen. It trumepeted, and the reverb from the bowl and an otherwise empty set of toilets was impressive. Mid-fart, I hear giggling coming from the other chap, closely followed, nay, concurrent with, a fart of similar timbre from him. Well, that set me off, and had anyone else entered the loos they would have been greeted by the sound of two strangers farting, giggling and dropping their loads. A quite delightful symphony!

My ex once farted directly up my nose during a 69. It was incredible. Totally undiluted, pure methane straight into the nostril.

Luckily I came shortly after so avoided vomiting. Yet another reason to thank my genitals.

I also once parped in my sleep with such volume and power that I woke up shouting 'What the hell was that?!', convinced the house was being broken into. It took a good few minutes before my wife convinced me that I was the cause. She would know after all as I once erupted in a night fart so revolting that she awoke in tears.

I can't pretend that I'm not proud of that.

Of course, you bottybum fartyflaps from FartyFlappyBottyUnderpants Town.