NEIGHBOUR FROM HELL
He may promise “a future fair for all” but there’s nothing fair about the way this man acts towards his neighbours, with a total of not less than 9 Anti-Social Behaviour Orders being issued against him since he first moved into Downing Street in 1997. We spoke to one of his neighbours, a Mr A. Darling, who described to us the ordeal he has to go through, “The man’s an animal. He’s normally drunk and rowdy by the time it’s 6pm. There I am sitting in front of my telly trying to watch Eastenders, when all I can hear is this obnoxious brute singing Flower of Scotland at the top of his voice. How am I supposed to hear what Dot Cotton’s saying over that din?” Other people have tried to address Gordon with regards to his behaviour, but whenever they have done so they have been on the receiving end of a “Glasgow Kiss”, which may sound like a good idea if you find him sexually attractive (and let’s face it many women fantasize about a threesome with him and Johnny Depp), but is not nice when you realise the term is actually a euphemism for a headbutt. 
WATCH OUT DAVID, HE’S GOING TO CHIN YOU!
This behaviour would be bad enough in itself, but Mr Brown is also a known pyromaniac and has in the past has set random objects on fire like bins, neighbours’ cars and even if himself when he’s been drunk enough and dared by his mates. 
HE’S A FIRESTARTER, TWISTED FIRESTARTER!
Animals like this should be locked up, not re-elected as Prime Minister! We need somebody to lead this country that can make a difference, we need an in-bred country bumpkin wearing nothing but his soiled y-fronts.
Trampoline Bouncing With Uncle Bertie is an improvisational & experimental online comedy series from Marcus Cross and Lee McAndrew.